It came out of nowhere. A casual conversation, maybe 25 seconds in.
“You’re going to breastfeed right? You know that’s important.”
Back. It. Up.
The whiplash was instant. My annoyance felt sharp. This stranger had the balls to ask me about breastfeeding and he didn’t even know my name.
Did he have good intentions? Probably. Did he realize he looked like an ass? No. Definitely not.
I’m obviously new to this pregnancy game. I’ve been a nanny, worked with kids, blah-blah-blah.
Nothing could have prepared me for the onslaught of opinions I never asked for. And everyone and their mother has an opinion.
I’m certainly not revealing anything new here. But for the record, if you’re a genuinely friendly person, it feels like people see a green light to word vomit all over your otherwise sun-shiny day.
So I smile, dart my eyes awkwardly, and leave the ridiculous conversation as quickly as possible. And then ten minutes later I recount all the cool, snarky comebacks I should have used instead. Sigh.
Here are the most outrageous things people have said in the first half of my pregnancy.
1. Are you going to circumcise your son? It’s not safe.
This might be the mac-daddy of them all. I was stunned. What happens to my child’s penis ain’t your business, sugar.
2. You’re lifting weights while pregnant? Aren’t you hurting your baby?!
Hey, bro… Slow your roll. My doctor is totally stoked I’m in great shape. I’m fortunate I can continue my fitness routine as long as I’m smart about it. So how about a high five instead of the judgment?
3. You’ve going to have a second child, right? It’s just not fair if you don’t.
What’s not fair is your big mouth. Hell, I just want to get through this pregnancy before even thinking about the future.
4. You actually want to go back to work?
Yes I do. I don’t know exactly what my career will look like, but this pregnancy has empowered me to go after some pretty big dreams. Every mama is different, and I say we support each other’s decisions.
5. You’re going to breastfeed right? You know that’s important. And so is an epidural. You’ll need it.
Hey total stranger, piss off. #SorryNotSorry
Really, I laugh about all this. I’m sure these people mean well, they just have a misguided delivery.
But to be honest, I wouldn’t cross a pregnant lady on a wild hormone day. She’s capable of anything.